Eleven Songs
by Gilmoregirl19
Summary: Logan's perspective on his relationship with Rory put to the eleven songs that are on John Mayer's 'Battle Studies' record. ROGAN. LOGAN POV. COMPLETE.


**Lately, I've been reading a lot of short one-shots that use different prompts as inspiration. Combine this with my recent purchase of John Mayer's 'Battle Studies' and listening to it everyday for a week during my ninety minute commute to university, I realized it would be a cool challenge to put the entire Logan-Rory relationship to all the songs of this CD. I wanted to keep it in Logan's POV, since I enjoy writing from his perspective (and it fits, considering Mayer's musings on relationships are from a male point of view, too). As an extra challenge (and to ensure you wouldn't have to wait months and months to read this) I gave myself 90 minutes to write this – roughly 2 listens per song. Luckily, I type fast. I just went back for the tiniest bit of editing, but I wanted to keep that sort of 'quickness' it had to write this. Overall, I'm pretty happy with the result, though some tunes fit better than others. Note that there is no deliberate time line, some are reflective, written way after the final break-up, some are after the bridesmaids incident and some are before, or just as, they started the casual dating thing. **

**Hope you enjoy! I had fun writing this! **

**Much love!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Gilmore Girls is ASP's baby and 'Battle Studies' belongs to John Mayer. **

* * *

**Heartbreak Warfare**

"I'm sorry, Logan."

Those weren't the words I had expected to hear from her and it cut me to the core, since I knew that it meant that we were over. Subconsciously, I knew it was over by the way she looked at me as I held that blue velvet box in the palm of my hand at the graduation party her grandparents threw her. It was the way she uncomfortably tucked her hair behind her ear and how she cracked a self-conscious smile. It wasn't the joyous reaction I had anticipated. I stood there, a fake smile plastered on my face, pretending not to notice that my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and my blood ran cold. She left, claiming that she needed time to think about it, but I didn't want to think, I just wanted to be with her. I would have loved her forever, if she'd let me, but she didn't. She couldn't, becuse she wanted options, she was too young to get married; she needed to travel. I was about to bargain with her, but I couldn't take back the proposal and I couldn't go back to the way it was before. So, I walked away.

Love, apparently, didn't conquer all.

* * *

**All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye  
****  
**It was as if Rory Gilmore had taken up permanent residence in my mind. I didn't realize it was possible that _everything_ could remind me of her. The poker chips on the table (she was my lucky charm), the single malt scotch I was drinking ("What are your intentions with my granddaughter?" I hear Richards voice ringing in my ears), the cigar I'm smoking (she hated it), the king sized bed in my Vegas hotel room (far too big for one boy alone). And just as I'm drifting off to sleep, just as visions of her start to evaporate her voice comes crashing wildly through my head.

* * *

**Half of My Heart  
**  
At the time I started dating Rory, she was one of five or six other girls. I can't remember the exact number as these things tend to get a little fuzzy as time goes by. It was the way I liked it; it fit the plan that I had set out long ago. Have fun, but don't get attached. Rory changed everything – she entered my life with such a force, with such a sense of sincerity, that the other girls quickly faded to the background. And yet, despite her being the breath of fresh air in the fake world in which I was living, I could not just stop living my life the way I had been up until that point. I knew that if any girl had potential to keep me from continuing on my reckless path, it was her and that scared me. I didn't want to hurt her; but mostly, I didn't want to hurt myself. I had never loved a woman before, not even really cared about a woman before her. She was differentI knew that Rory wanted love; that she deserved love. As we dated and I continued to date others, I considered letting her go. Better to nip the situation in the bud before I could break her heart and mess this up, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking about her, I couldn't stop wanting to be around her. And I wondered that, maybe, this was the beginning of something that seemed a lot like love.

* * *

**Who says**

No one thought I would be able to do it – be the boyfriend boy. Finn and Colin snorted at the suggestion and wondered if, why and how I'd be able to give up long nights of drinking, dancing and partying across the globe for one girl. Honestly, I'd never thought anyone would be worth it either, but who says I can't be the committed boyfriend type? I want to be and I can do anything I put my mind to.

* * *

**Perfectly Lonely  
**  
Before her, I was perfect being alone, not lonely by any stretch of the imagination. A quick glance at the contacts list in my phone could tell you that much, but I was unattached, purposely single. It was a conscious decision since I didn't want the responsibility of belonging to anyone. My dad owned my ass, my future was set in stone. The only thing that belong to me was my social life and I wanted it to be just that – social – which translated into not being tied down to one girl. It was hard enough just being me.

* * *

**Assassin**

Some would say that I had a reputation of being a little bit of a player. I say little bit, because it sounds better on paper and as I think I about the past, I can't help that little flame of embarrassment that burns in the pit my stomach whenever my Casanova ways are brought up in conversation.  
Just random nights meshed together by booze and frenzied touches with handfuls of nameless, shameless, faceless girls. I knew they were in it for one thing and I didn't mind that they were on board because of my name and background. Often times, I didn't even have to pursue them – the ladies flocked to me. All I'd have to do was point at the girl of my choice, tip back the last of my single malt scotch and head off to wherever I wanted to spend the night, or a few hours, depending on my mood. It was meaningless, quick, cheap and dirty, much like the society circles I grew up in. Still, tears always came as I dropped the girl just as quickly as I selected her. Without reason and without shame. Blunt and honest, like a killer. Truth was, though, it wasn't about the girls – collecting hearts – I was bored and they provided some entertainment. I was never going to stick around for them. Rory Gilmore; however, was the one who shook up the game. Instead of her being enthralled by me, I was enthralled by her.

* * *

**Crossroads  
**  
I was at a crossroads in my life. I could stay on this path that was chosen for me at birth, or I could deliberately change. Assert myself, fight for what I wanted in life instead of staying on the safe track. The easy track. Once I decided to quit Huntzberger Publishing, no one could stop me or talk me out of it. San Francisco was great. I could start afresh. My name might have sounded familiar, but not too familiar since no one knew me; to them, I was just another bright eyed college graduate.

* * *

**War of my Life**

I never understood why life had to be so difficult, so complicated. Especially tonight, when all I wanted to do was forget about that terrible trip to Nebraska on business – the snapshot of what my life will be like for the next fifty years – and spend some time with her. But no, she's made plans with her 'old friend' Jess.  
I immediately hate him. He's _that _guy – the guy that knows her from way back when, her high-school sweetie, the guy that gets to tell her that "this isn't who she is", because he knows. And she'll listen to him, because it's him, because he wrote a goddamned book, because he's the guy that's doing something with his life and not stalling, trying to delay his future, like me. Plus, he's the guy that caused us to fight in a bar. I don't do drama; my instinct is to not stick around long enough for drama to occur. I should be able to walk away, chalk this 'relationship thing' up to an experience, but I can't. All the good she's brought me, offsets the tiny, microscopic amount of drama. I have to win her back.

* * *

**Edge of Desire**

I couldn't get her off my mind. Again, it was a new experience for me, but it was so strong, I couldn't ignore it. But I didn't know how to act upon it either. Could I just give in to these feelings and go for something that had every possibility to become something more? And don't get me wrong, the thought of casually doing her crossed my mind numerous times, but I knew she wasn't that girl and I liked that about her; I needed to get to know her better, just be around her.

Chinese food in a group setting seemed innocent enough, though I had to twist her arm a little bit to tag along in the first place because she had plans with that lanky bartender guy – Mark or Mason or something, but she came along. Dinner was nice, but I desperately wished it was just a dinner for two. I masked my disappointment as she skipped out on the post dinner activities - Zydeco music - so I couldn't really blame her for that one. I don't know how I ended up tapping her dorm window in the middle of the night, since I fully intended to head back to my dorm, but there I was, freezing my ass off, tapping that window, waiting for her to let me in.

* * *

**Do You Know Me?**

Her face was familiar but I couldn't place it. It was obvious she was a freshman so I couldn't have met her at a college party and she wasn't a boarding school alumnus like me – I could tell by her stance – but there she oozed a type of natural class and beauty. It was intriguing.

* * *

**Friends, Lovers or Nothing  
**  
She showed up at my door looking a little out of it. Pale, pouty, greasy hair. For a moment, I thought she was ill, but then the mix of Listerine and last night's alcohol on her breath it me. This was Rory Gilmore hung over.

"I can't do this anymore, Logan," she informed me.

I wasn't exactly sure what she was referring to, but her rambling filled me in that the 'this' in this case was 'us', or rather the lack thereof. She found out that she wasn't a casual dater and that she didn't want to change as she was content with being a girlfriend girl. This wasn't what we agreed upon and for her to show up here an issue an ultimatum was mindboggling. I reminded her of our agreement, but she was unfazed – I hadn't called her in a week – busy, I offered as an explanation, but I knew it was weak. And she was right, I didn't want to go back to being friends, quite frankly, we were never friends to begin with, and somewhere I knew that we were more than the ambiguous inbetweenness of casual dating. Basically, it boiled down to being friends, lovers or nothing. I certainly didn't want to be nothing, but with my roommate taking a message from Cassandra and a robe for overnight guests in my closet, I wasn't sure I was ready to be more than friends, but for her I was willing to give it a shot.

"Alright. I'll be your boyfriend," I heard the words leave my mouth and after a few more reassuring quips, my lips met hers and just like that, I crossed the line from single, belonging to nobody but me, to being a boyfriend. Part of a couple. Part of her.

* * *

**Well, whaddaya think? I know it's a little different, but I kinda dig it. I hope you did, too and if not, I'll try to update one of my others soon! **


End file.
